Deal with Stress Today

What’s Your Language?

donnam — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 03:04:19 +0000

As Valentine’s Day approaches I am reminded of one of my favorite quotes “Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.” This quote from Leo Buscaglia is the perfect reminder of the importance of sharing with those in your life how much they mean to you.

There is also this wonderful story from Chicken Soup for the Soul.

A Story For Valentine’s Day

Larry and Jo Ann were an ordinary couple. They lived in an ordinary house on an ordinary street.

Like any other ordinary couple, they struggled to make ends meet and to do the right things for their children.

They were ordinary in yet another way—they had their squabbles. Much of their conversation concerned what was wrong in their marriage and who was to blame.

Until one day when a most extraordinary event took place.

“You know, Jo Ann, I’ve got a magic chest of drawers. Every time I open them, they’re full of socks and underwear,” Larry said. “I want to thank you for filling them all these years.”

Jo Ann stared at her husband over the top of her glasses. “What do you want, Larry?”

“Nothing. I just want you to know I appreciate those magic drawers.”

This wasn’t the first time Larry had done something odd, so Jo Ann pushed the incident out of her mind until a few days later.

“Jo Ann, thank you for recording so many correct check numbers in the ledger this month. You put down the right numbers 15 out of 16 times. That’s a record.”

Disbelieving what she had heard, Jo Ann looked up from her mending. “Larry, you’re always complaining about my recording the wrong check numbers. Why stop now?”

“No reason. I just wanted you to know I appreciate the effort you’re making.”

Jo Ann shook her head and went back to her mending. “What’s got into him?” she mumbled to herself.

Nevertheless, the next day when Jo Ann wrote a check at the grocery store, she glanced at her checkbook to confirm that she had put down the right check number. “Why do I suddenly care about those dumb check numbers?” she asked herself.

She tried to disregard the incident, but Larry’s strange behavior intensified.

“Jo Ann, that was a great dinner,” he said one evening. “I appreciate all your effort. Why, in the past 15 years I’ll bet you’ve fixed over 14,000 meals for me and the kids.”

Then “Gee, Jo Ann, the house looks spiffy. You’ve really worked hard to get it looking so good.” And even “Thanks, Jo Ann, for just being you. I really enjoy your company.”

Jo Ann was growing worried. “Where’s the sarcasm, the criticism?” she wondered.

Her fears that something peculiar was happening to her husband were confirmed by 16-year-old Shelly, who complained, “Dad’s gone bonkers, Mom. He just told me I looked nice. With all this makeup and these sloppy clothes, he still said it. That’s not Dad, Mom.

What’s wrong with him?”

Whatever was wrong, Larry didn’t get over it. Day in and day out he continued focusing on the positive.

Over the weeks, Jo Ann grew more accustomed to her mate’s unusual behavior and occasionally even gave him a grudging “Thank you.” She prided herself on taking it all in stride, until one day something so peculiar happened, she became completely discombobulated:

“I want you to take a break,” Larry said. “I am going to do the dishes. So please take your hands off that frying pan and leave the kitchen.”

(Long, long pause.) “Thank you, Larry. Thank you very much!”

Jo Ann’s step was now a little lighter, her self-confidence higher and once in a while she hummed. She didn’t seem to have as many blue moods anymore. “I rather like Larry’s new behavior,” she thought.

That would be the end of the story except one day another most extraordinary event took place. This time it was Jo Ann who spoke.

“Larry,” she said, “I want to thank you for going to work and providing for us all these years. I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I appreciate it.”

Larry has never revealed the reason for his dramatic change of behavior no matter how hard Jo Ann has pushed for an answer, and so it will likely remain one of life’s mysteries. But it’s one I’m thankful to live with.

You see, I am Jo Ann. Jo Ann Larsen, Deseret News

Both of these illustrate the importance of sharing with the loved ones in your life how much they mean to you. You never know the difference you make in someone’s day when you take the time to tell them or show them how important they are to you. If you are wondering the best way to show those special people in your life, I recommend reading The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Coleman. To learn your love language you can check out his website and take a quick quiz here.

No related posts.

This Way to 2012

donnam — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 00:27:58 +0000

Simple ways for 2012. . .
Below are three simple steps one can take this year to create more peace and joy.

Meditation and visualization are proven ways to train the mind to relax and create. Letting go is a process of releasing emotional attachments to things and old beliefs and then giving one a sense of freedom.

All aid greatly to relieve stress, overwhelm, and contribute to your peace.

Try these daily …

1. MEDITATE 3 – 15 minutes daily in a upright comfortable position

With eyes closed, focus on your breathing to settle thoughts.
Notice any sensations within you without judgment; just practice being.
Trust the process!

2. VISUALIZE- 2-3 minutes daily. Eyes closed, then picture within your mind to

Visualize all you want to bring forth; experiences, new passions, ways of being, etc.
Visualizel kindness, truth, love, acceptance, and joy for you and others.
Trust the process!

3. LETTING GO

Get rid of material things that no longer serve you; toss out or give away.
Let go of those that de-energize you or limit time with them.
Let go of being right
Let go of judgments of others and yourself.

My wish for you this year is to consider an ongoing practice of these effective methods. They do work when applied.

Wishing you a fabulous New Year! Trust the process!

Blessings, Donna Marie

Five Important Ways to Deal with Stress in the New Year

Deal with Stress During the Holidays

donnam — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 12:09:15 +0000

It is that time of year again; that whirlwind of gift-giving holidays, marketing blitzes, holiday parties and activities galore that begins right after Halloween, builds to Thanksgiving, and continues gaining momentum through the end of the year. For many this is the most favorite time of the year, but for others it is filled with pressure and stress. My strategy for dealing with stress during the holidays is simple, “do less and be more”.

FAMILY STRESS
The holiday season is also a time when many of us spend time with family members that we may only see once or twice a year. Seeing people that may emotionally charge us is one of the biggest holiday stressors. Before seeing those individuals that cause you stress, take time to do some deep meditative breathing. Think about the situations that may arise and bring you stress, contemplate what you may do differently in this situation instead of your typical reaction to this stressful person. While breathing think about what it is that you are thankful for. By finding something to be grateful for it crowds out other feelings of resentment and annoyance. Another option is to reduce time spent with certain family members if you find it too uncomfortable. Give yourself permission to strongly consider this.

LESS IS MORE
When we over-do we spread ourselves too thin and we are left feeling frazzled. It is easy during this time of year to fill up your schedule with every holiday party that you are invited to. Commit to less events and the truly enjoy the people at the ones you attend. Being with friends, family and co-workers at this time of year is what the season is all about anyways.

HOLIDAY SPENDING
With the marketing promotions out there it is hard to resist spending and buying. There is no reason to finance your holidays for the next six months, which will inevitably cause more stress down the road. Be reasonable with holiday spending. You can also tell your children/family members that you are setting a limit on spending for each because that is the responsible thing to do. You can ask them what type of gift(s) they would like within your holiday budget. This also gives them choices. Keep in mind that you are demonstrating financial responsibility and boundaries to others and avoiding later debt and stress.

GIVING TO THOSE IN NEED
Please remember the ones who are truly in need of holiday cheer this time of year; don’t forget to donate to local charities. If you feel moved to help feed the hungry in metro Detroit, Gleaners Food Bank, a wonderful organization allows for online donations. http://www.gcfb.org There are many hungry people that will not have the spread of holiday foods we may take for granted.

Above all, this holiday season to take time to be present to all of the wonderful people in your life; time passes by much too quickly. Enjoy the time that you do have with those in your life that bring you joy.

Blessings to you and your families,

Donna Marie

Addressing Stress in the Work Environment

donnam — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 02:12:15 +0000

In March of 2010 we published an article entitled “How to Deal with Stress at Work and Thrive,” which discussed some techniques that would help to reduce stress level in the work place. Now, we would like to revisit that topic with additional information and ideas.

According to the American Institute of Stress, 40% of Americans report that their job is an extreme source of stress for them. Furthermore, 75% of workers believe that jobs in America are more stressful than they were one decade ago.

The most common sources of job stress are:

Lack of control
Increased responsibility
Job satisfaction & performance
Uncertainty about work roles
Poor communication
Lack of support
Working conditions

Personal health is a concern strongly associated with stress, including heart issues, back pain, fatigue, and headache.

These are the most common signs of job stress:

Headaches
Trouble sleeping
Problems concentrating
Short temper
Upset stomach
Job dissatisfaction and low morale

You can reduce some job stress by noticing what things that you have control over and those you don’t. You may not have total control over the deadline however you do have control over how you manage your thoughts about it. By focusing the mind on the present moment task you can avoid negative thoughts shifting into the future.

Here is a simple and easy method you can do often;

First, identifying your stressors is an important part of ridding the work place of stress. Each time that you feel yourself becoming stressed ask yourself if you have total control of the situation or person. Most often we don’t.

Second, tell yourself that you can change how you think about it. Easier said than done? True, but it is a process that takes practice. To do this allow your body sit comfortably and relax. Closing your eyes breath in and out very deeply. The key to relaxation is to refocus thinking. So its best as you relax to focus on your breath going in and going out. This can become a form of mediating. Notice any sensations that you experience as just an experience; not making it right or wrong. Do this 5-7 times. Typically people try to clear the mind or focus on many different things. This in itself is challenging. That is why a simply focusing on your breathing can be more beneficial. It is effective, powerful, and a proven method for de-stressing.

I know stress is a hot issue, and I would like to continue our conversation. If you personally struggle with stress in your workplace, please leave a comment below.

Navigate Around These Pitfalls to Deal with Your Fear of Public Speaking

donnam — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 00:30:28 +0000

When it comes time for you to give a big speech, you might find yourself a bit nervous. Not everyone has a fear of public speaking, but for those that do, it can be frustrating. Preparing in advance, and writing a speech that you feel confident delivering, can help you cure your fear of public speaking. There are a few things that should be avoided when you write your speech.

Although these may appear to be simple things, making sure that your speech is free of them can make giving your speech a calmer process.

The first thing to consider when writing your speech is to not have any inappropriate humor in the speech. There is a time for humor, but never at the expense of anyone else. Jokes related to anyone’s sex, religious preference, political stance or gender are off the table.

Make sure your speech does not have any subtle put downs or condescending language against competitors. Some people are not comfortable trying to use humor in their speech. If you are one of these people, do not feel pressure to be funny.

Your speech should be a reflection of your unique personality and a place to put your best foot forward. Do not feel the pressure to make anyone laugh. You can be respected as a good speaker without using humor.

Make sure you use short, simple sentences when writing your speech. Long sentences with complex terms usually lose an audience. Shorter sentences are more easily understood. Also practice your voice and body language. Articulation, the use of a clean and crisp speaking pattern, is very important to being clearly understood.

Practice over articulating your words to be heard, and even doing some vocal warm ups. These things can help you feel more confident. Practice saying your speech with energy and feeling. When you practice your speech with confidence you will deliver it with confidence. The more warmth and enthusiasm you are able to exude, the more your audience will respond positively to you and your message. Remember to take deep breaths and smile often. Practice saying your points with feeling and emotion. Underline important points so you can remember to emphasize these words or topics.

Lastly, double check which microphone form you will be using. Some speeches are given with a lapel mike so that you can move freely and talk with your hands, while other speeches utilize a hand held or podium microphone. Practice using a microphone beforehand so that this can be an additional stressor removed from your plate.

When you prepare your speech in advance, you can enter your event with the knowledge that you will deliver it with confidence. Soon, you too can be freed from the fear of public speaking after little practice and preparation.

Stay Connected to Reduce Your Fear of Public Speaking

donnam — Sat, 30 Jul 2011 18:09:40 +0000

An important part of public speaking is interacting with your audience. Many people focus only on the writing of the speech, but fail to consider the delivery. One very important part of delivering your speech is your one on one connection with your audience. By practicing connecting to audience members you can help remove your fear of public speaking.

Much of the fear comes from the unknown, and not knowing everyone in your audience can bring up some stress or fear. To help overcome this, practice giving your speech in front of friends, family or co-workers and getting a positive response. The more times you practice initially the easier it will be to give your speech when the real day comes.

Practice connecting to one individual at a time. Some people feel uncomfortable with giving eye contact directly to those in the audience, but the more you practice looking someone in the eye, the easier it becomes. Even if you are far away from them, the audience will feel that personal connection, and will continue to pay attention. Make sure you do not just look at the front row but speak to all of the rows of people, even those in the back.

Anyone who may be focused on too much can feel on the spot, but saying a few sentences to each person can make the whole audience part of the experience. Here are a few other things to consider when you are giving your speech.

Interruptions can happen during any speech. There could be crying babies, movement in and out of the room, or cell phones that may go off. Preparing for any interruptions that may occur can remove this stress. Do not stop your talk for any reason. By acting unphased by these possible distractions, your audience will remain focused on the speech as well.

Also, be aware of your body language. It’s easy when nervous to have a stiff body or awkward gestures. Practice saying your speech in front of a mirror so that you can see what gestures you normally do, and how you can make your body look even more relaxed the whole time you are delivering your speech.

When it comes to the day of the speech, remember to stick to the flow of your speech and it will all go smoothly. Do your best to stay in the moment at all times. Do not get lost in your thoughts or in any worries you might have. Focus on your points, and sticking to your script, and your speech will be a success.

Curb Your Fear of Public Speaking by Being Prepared

donnam — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 19:46:55 +0000

Does fear of public speaking make you feel unsure of yourself? Would you rather do just about anything than be forced to give a speech? Do you find yourself avoiding certain situations because you know you might be required to be the center of attention?

In many career paths, and in many life events, public speaking is a requirement. Although it can be uncomfortable to begin with, you can overcome your fear of public speaking and get on the road to a success in your life or business endeavors.

The most important thing when trying to get over your fear of public speaking, is to plan ahead. Here are three different strategies that will make your whole presentation process a calmer and easier one.

Prepare Before Your Speak

To begin with, you need to focus first on what will happen before your speech. Yes, before! Many people think that waiting till the last possible minute could make them feel calmer, but this is far from the truth.

Here are a few tips for what you can do before your speech to relax you. These ideas will make you feel even more confident about the speech you are about to give.

First, arrive early. This way you can have time to see the layout of the room you are going to present in, and to feel comfortable with it.

Second, check all the technological equipment. Odds are high you will be using some form of technology in your presentation, and the more familiar you are with it, the better. Check to make sure lights work well, your PowerPoint opens successfully, that the microphone is plugged in, etc. Checking all of these in advance will lead to decreased anxiety about the “what if’s” that could take place during your presentation. Go ahead and double check them a second time to feel really secure.

Make sure that all of your materials are set up, and that you have a contact person easily reachable in case there are any issues with equipment. Now that all is set up, you are ready to practice. Practice, as the old adage goes, makes perfect, and the more time you allow yourself to rehearse, the easier the speech will be.

Lastly, make sure to allow yourself adequate time to relax in the space and practice your speech, and you will be taking a significant step towards decreasing your fear of public speaking.

Do You Deal with Stress that Comes from the Fear of Public Speaking?

Mindfulness Meditation Techniques for Handling Stress – Part #3

donnam — Mon, 21 Feb 2011 06:00:30 +0000

As I described in Part 1, there is much more going on with us when we experience stress than the obvious event and resulting distress reaction that we observe. We all think thoughts about the events we experience and those thoughts are determined largely by conditioning and beliefs that we acquire over time. The thoughts we think then trigger our emotional reaction or emotional state. Part 2 of this series offered a Mindfulness Meditation Technique to manage our thoughts.

Unless you have gained some skill at Mindfulness, you may not know immediately what thoughts you are thinking. To access your thought process it is often more useful to start with noticing your feelings.

When you are aware of feeling badly or stressed, take a moment to reflect on what you have been thinking about. Chances are you have just had a series of distressing thoughts that have triggered negative feelings. Feelings of fear, frustration, tension, overwhelm, panic, annoyance, apathy, and so on are triggered by your thoughts that define what the event means to you. Once you identify the thoughts that define the situation for you, you can apply Technique #2 to let those thoughts go and replace them with neutral or more positive outlook.

What if you are not aware of all the feelings you have about the situation? This may be the case if you aren’t comfortable experiencing and expressing feelings. Many people react to stress by pushing down or numbing out their feelings believing that this will relieve stress. This couldn’t be further from the truth!

Feelings cannot be eliminated, they can only be delayed! Your emotions are an important part of your stress-handling mechanism. Your emotions, and any physical sensations are your body’s reactions to your thoughts. Entertain thoughts or a belief you are under attack – your body will react with feelings of fear – whether the threat is real or not.

To use your emotions to identify when you are having negative thoughts about an event, you must sharpen your awareness and listen! Ironically, listening to your body and acknowledging emotions can give immediate relief all by itself. Awareness of your emotional state is the first step to shifting your mind set.

To deal with stress effectively, get busy reflecting on your body sensations, feelings and the thoughts that are triggering those sensations Meditation Technique #2). The adage, “Don’t just do something, stand there!” applies here. Rather than trying to change what you can’t control in your environment, change what you can control – your perspective on the situation.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique #3:

Do this often. Focus on your body and notice any sensations. By sensations I mean where in your body you feel tension, stress, or pain.

Then focus on noticing your sensations. When I say noticing I also mean observing it and accepting it.

Often when we notice a tension or ache we generally are bothered that it is there. Therefore we tend to reject it or resist it. If we resist it, it will continue. What we resist…persists. Here is a good tip: accept whatever you feel as it is.

Our bodies are talking to us through feelings and sensations. By acknowledging that you accept that the pain, or tension is there, it will have permission to leave you. Give it a try!

Be mindful of your inner world of sensations. Mindfulness Meditation will transform your stress to peacefulness and even joy. Practice, practice, practice and let me know how it’s going for you.

Make your daily practice easy with Donna Marie’s Relaxations for Inner Peace audio program of guided meditations, soothing music and sounds of nature. Go now to our De-Stress Store.

Mindfulness Meditation Techniques to Deal with Stress – Part 2

donnam — Tue, 01 Feb 2011 06:00:32 +0000

In Part One of the series, I discussed one of three Mindfulness Meditation techniques for managing your stress; and the mechanism of stress. The stress mechanism is the process that occurs when an event is translated into a distress reaction.

I revealed that while most people are aware only of the event and their action or reaction to the event (that they interpret as stress,) in actuality, there is much more going on. In our experience of stress there are other intervening, often unconscious, steps of thought and emotions that come before the action we take, or our physicalresponse to a stressful event.

In this article, I will focus on how the thoughts we think contribute to the experience of stress and how Mindfulness Meditation can help you to manage the thoughts that contribute to your experience of stress.

Mindfulness is the ongoing practice of bringing your focus to the present moment as much as possible throughout your day. It is the practice of awareness of your thoughts, emotions, your body and the surrounding environment.

The key is to practice this awareness without thoughts of judgment or criticism of self, others or situations. To manage your thoughts about your experience you must first be aware of them. Once you are aware of inner negative comments (we all have them), mindfulness meditation practice helps you to let them go and refocus on simply observing what is happening both in your body and around you at the moment.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique #1, described in Part I of this series, teaches you to refocus on your breathing. By refocusing on this simple activity, you begin to free your mind from distractions associated with Past thinking; i.e. thoughts of yesterday, last week, last year, etc., and with Future thinking; i.e. thoughts of what may happen; both negative and positive, especially worry.

Freeing your mind from Past and Future thinking is important because stress originates from fear-based thought patterns that we have been unconsciously conditioned to think. Fear thoughts are learned over our whole lives from those who are closest to us.

Recent studies also point to fetal experiences being formative too. As we were growing in the womb we experience the stress reactions of our mother as our own. If a mother experiences much stress during her pregnancy, chances are the child would have integrated that experience.

Mindfulness Meditation Technique #2:

Throughout your day take multiple 60 second breaks to practice focusing on your thoughts about your environment. Notice everything you can with your 5 senses. Keep your thoughts focused on looking, seeing, hearing, feeling.

What do you see around you? Notice colors, shapes, people, sensations. Notice your thoughts about everything you see. Practice seeing without judging right or wrong.

This practice can be done in a car, at work, at play, with others without interfering with your activities or really anyone else knowing. You are merely shifting your focus. Play this mental game right now.

Focus on the task that you are doing right now in this moment. For example, if you are writing or typing, notice that entire experience. How do your fingers feel as they strike the keys? How do the keys sound as you type? Notice any tension in your body and so on. Stay focused on exactly what you are doing. When you move on to the next task, notice everything about that too.

Mindfulness is a very effective means to experience calm, inner patience and confidence, and to access clarity. However, like other teachings we must become a student and practice daily.